To my Mother on Mother's Day

Mother, things were never the same after your death, as you left behind a space never to be filled. I miss you for myself, my sister and brothers, for your grandchildren and now for their children, the little ones born after your death.

I thank you for enduring the hard times as a young woman caring for the family,for mothering your five children without a whisper of complaint. I thank you for all of the meals you prepared, for the house you kept clean and laundry you did without modern conveniences.

I hold dear in my heart and mind the memories of you walking with me on rainy days to the bus station at 5.30 in the morning to send me to school, for staying up late at night to accompany us to study, your delight in seeing my Senior Cambridge exam results, my Higher School Certificate results and your encouragement to me to apply for a place in the university, even though I could have brought some immediate relief to you financially if I had started working earlier.

I could never erase from my mind your quiet smile and wet eyes when I gave you my first month's pay after I started working upon graduation, which you gently refused and only accepted upon my insistence. I could also never erase from my mind your expression of deep hurt when I married against your wishes, for which, on hind sight, you were right all along. I could never forget your love for my children, so unconditional and genuine, indeed your capacity to love all your grandchildren equally, a trait I most treasure. For all of this, and so very much more, I thank you.

A regret I have is that I had not spent enough time with you in your old age and had not shown you the appreciation that you deserve.

I could never forget your helplessness as you were slipping away from life with kidney failure 10 years ago and the desperate look in your eyes when the doctor sent you home, asking me whether the doctor had given up on you. I know now in heaven you weren't missing anything, that it is me who is missing out.