Our maternal grandpa finally properly put to rest

Several days ago on Sister's request, a priest performed an elaborate ceremony to invite our maternal grandfather's spirit to his final resting place in fairy-park where our Mother and Father are buried.  The ceremony included chanting by the temple priest, offerings of food, erection of a plaque bearing our grandpa's name, and burning of offerings that included bags of money, clothing, a car and a house for the afterlife. 

Sister had been wanting to do this for a long time already as Grandpa was not given a decent burial 50 years ago.  I was there to offer moral support to my sister and strangely when the ceremony was being performed by the priest I felt the intensity of the moment and my eyes welled up.  Maybe Grandpa's spirit actually came, who knows?  We are glad this was done because Grandpa actually deserved much more.  For my Sister I think she can now feel happy that she has done what she can for Grandpa. 

  

The Song of the Old Mother

The Song Of The Old Mother by William Butler Yeats

I rise in the dawn, and I kneel and blow
Till the seed of the fire flicker and glow;
And then I must scrub and bake and sweep
Till stars are beginning to blink and peep;
And the young lie long and dream in their bed
Of the matching of ribbons for bosom and head,
And their day goes over in idleness,
And they sigh if the wind but lift a tress:
While I must work because I am old,
And the seed of the fire gets feeble and cold. 

Entered by SPeng in memory of Mother

Father and the water chestnut

Our late Father loved to eat.  One of his favorites was the water chestnut.

Today while out shopping with my sister we remember how father loved water chestnuts.  I recall that he used to painstakingly peel water chestnuts for me, even after I was married, and always smiled very broadly when I devoured the fruits as they are among my favorites too. 

Entry by SPeng

Mother's death anniversary

Yesterday, 9th August was my Mother's death anniversary.  In the clip of an eye 15 years had passed by since she passed away, with me by her side, at about 4 am on Sunday morning 9 August 1998.  It was so hard for me to lose my Mother.  I remember I had the ache in my heart for several years after she passed away.  Now the pain has healed, but I still feel so sad and lost when I think about her, the only person in this world who had ever loved me unconditionally and wholeheartedly. 

Entry by SPeng

Read!

This morning when I was reading the  newspaper, I realized that it is a habit I picked up from my Father.  Like him, I would read the newspaper page by page everyday without fail.  Also like him, I like to place the newspaper on the table and turn the pages one by one. I remember when I was in secondary school, he would place the newspaper in front of me and commanded me "Read, it is good for you, you can improve your English".  Then I would grudgingly read some pages.  Once in a while he would ask me "What did you read just now? What news?" When I could not give a satisfactory reply, he would then place the newspaper in front of me again and commanded again, "Read!"

Entry by SPeng  

A part of our family home

These 2 paintings and the small side table were retrieved from Father and Mother's house of 52 years after it was sold and abandoned.  We moved into the house in 1961 and it was sold after father's passing on 25 Jan 2013.  Still feeling sad about losing our family home.  These 3 items will always remind me of our family home and my life with my parents when I was young. 

SPeng

Thinking of my parents

Thinking of my parents. I know I could have done much better.

 

Speng

Their new house?

Several days ago my nephew Yun Ming dreamt of his maternal grandma.  It seems in his dream Mother was in a big house and looking healthy.  Maybe Father and Mother really received the House that was burnt for them on 4 May?  Who knows? 

SPeng

Father's 100 days ceremony

A big day for our late father and Mother today.  My sister, brother and brother in law organized a 100 day ceremony for Father where buddhist prayers were conducted first at the  columbarium in Fairy Park Klang and then at the burial site, also in Fairy Park.  Then a big house, a car, lots of money were burnt as offerings for their comfort in the after life. 

 

SPeng

The big sister

I just joined this blog as a co-writer and will be writing in the future as wan lan.

wan lan  

Ten years of life by the river side

Sis Wan Lan and I had just finished the translation of Father's short story "Ten Years of Life by the River Side" published by Nanyang Press Singapore in 1956, in a book entitled "Romance in Malaya".

Our intention is to send the English translation to his 3 sons who can then share with their children.  Except for sis and me, all of them do not know Chinese.  We hope father and mother would be pleased by our effort. 

The story he wrote was a true brief story of his life from 1940 to 1956. During that period his work took him to Termerloh (by the Pahang River), Parit (by the Perak River), Sabak Bernam (by the Bernam River) and Parit Buntar (by the Krian River). 

These were the ending paragraphs:

"Ten years of life by the river side had passed by very quickly. Although I had not achieved much, I have no regrets. I know that when time passes we can neither see nor touch it. No amount of strength can stop it and no amount of good or nutritious food or facial creams can conceal our wrinkles. 
Time treats everyone equally. Whether in the villages or in the cities life changes with time. In fact every minute, everything is changing and will forever be in the changing process. 

After a few years where would my life float to? Who can tell me in advance?"

SPeng

Their eldest daughter's support

I had taken some pride in having contributed to our family's finances after I graduated from University and started working in 1971.  I remember giving the bulk of my first month's salary to my Mother.  She refused initially but finally accepted it.  When I saw her using it to pay the debts ( I remember it was RM500 and that was lot of money 4 decades ago) she owed to the provision shop man, I was really happy.    I remember the provision shop man near our house used to send dry provisions to our house on a motorbike.  Everytime he came, Mother would pay him a small amount, whatever she could afford.  The rest that she owed him would be recorded in a small note book, commonly known as the 555 note book.  Then every end of the month he would try to collect the balance but Mother always could not pay him in full.  So the debt accumulated.  I think after I started working and helped Mother on a regular basis, the situation improved.  Several years later when my 3 brothers graduated I think they contributed too and Mother became less stressed financially.

Several weeks ago in a casual conversation with our eldest sister, I realized that what I did for the family financially was insigficant compared to her.  My sister who is nearly 5 years older than me, started work after completing Secondary school.  When she started working in KL at about 18-19 years old , I was still in Lower Secondary and it was another 10 years before I started working.  It  means that for 10 years, on her small income, she was actually helping Mother and Father to put food on the table for her 4 younger siblings and to put a roof over our heads. She told me that for many years after she started working she never had a savings account.  I can understand why she felt so saddened when father's house was sold.     

Our family in 1952 in Sabak Bernam, Selangor

Our family in 1961 infront of our new house in Petaling Jaya

Our family in 1973 when 2 of my brothers graduated

   SPeng

Father's most precious possession

The bad news for me a few days ago is that Father's house had just been sold.  Although I can appreciate the reason why brother TKeat sold the house I still feel so sad. 

I remember when we first shifted into the house in 1961, one day Father (he was on leave because he was still working in Parit Buntar then) was waiting for me on the road in front of the house to come back from school.   From far down the road, with my heavy school bag, I could see him looking and waving very anxiously at me.  He then walked towards me and took my school bag.  At the same time he very excitedly told me "we got a refrigertor, come quickly to see!".  That was indeed the first fridge our family had ever had.  When we were in Parit Buntar where we stayed for many years before moving to our new house in PJ in 1961 we never owned a fridge and Mother used to go to the market everyday to buy fresh produce to cook for a day.

I wish I had the money to buy the house from brother and just keep it in Father's memory.  But that is not meant to be.  Yesterday Sister told me that AhMeng dreamt of his grandfather, asking him to lock the house.  I know the dream may have no relevance, but I still could not help feeling very sad.  I am so sorry Father.   

   SPeng

Some precious belongings

Last week Sis and I went through Father's old books and files.  Some of his things are more than 60 years old, like the letters he received from his village in China.  Some of his books are so old that they are tattered and torn, some however, are still in relatively good condition.  I still remember a few weeks before he left us, he was worried about his books.  He asked Sis what would happen to his books if he dies and whether Sis would like to have the books. 

Going through his books and files I realized he was such an intellectual man, far surpassing any of his children. Many of his books are of such high literary standards that the writings are beyond my ability to comprehend.  We decided to donate the books which are still in good condition to a library.  As for the rest which are tattered and torn, Sis would consult the religious experts whether we could burn the books for him, becasue we just could not bring ourselves to throw them away, knowng how precious they were to him. 

   
Today Sis and I went through Mother's old clothings and decided to donate most to charity. I kept several as momentos.

I remember she used to light up everytime I bought her materials to make clothes.  Sometimes I brought her along to the shops to choose for herself. I remember too that she preferred quieter colours like greys, browns, light blue, light green.  She would not wear bright colours like yellow and red, saying those colours are too "young" for her.  Also, she had only a very limited design preference.

SPeng

We had not done justice to the love they had for us

Today, in response to Brother TH's email, I wrote this:

 

"...WL is reading a published book which featured short stories (in Chinese) that won prizes. Father won a consolation prize for his story "20 Years by the River", covering 1941-1961. It was actually his autobiography during that period. WL said she cried and cried when she read the book, realizing the challenges they had gone through. Father wrote that he had to sell his writing pen to buy tapioca for food for himself and his wife. WL found 2 copies of the book and will give one to me. We will try to translate it then we will share with you, TK and Tkeat. I think each of us (I mean the 5 of us) in our own way, had not done justice to the sacrifices they made and the love they had for us, most of all myself".

 

Please forgive me my dear Father and Mother.

SPeng

  

I realize there is so much I am grateful for

When my mother passed away 15 years ago, we didn't think father would survive one year without her, for although they used to bicker a lot, he was very dependent on her. Surprisingly, he outlived her by 15 years and lived to 101.

I know that getting old is such a big and normal part of life and yet it was so hard watching father getting old, particularly in the last 2 years of his life. I sometimes silently questioned myself, how could this happen? How could a once strong, independent, sporty and intelligent man become weak and frail? Where is the man who used to play badminton, play tennis and walk to the lake every morning to fish?

When he stayed with me for 5 weeks last year while his caretaker was on home leave I tried my best to improve his health but I think I did nothing for him. He was making the motions, but his life was over. I realize then that caring for an aging parent is the most difficult thing one could ever endure. I felt helpless, frustrated, angry and sometimes even overcome with a lot of guilt that he was getting so weak.

When I came across my father's 1992 diary while clearing up his belongings recently I realized how much I did not remember about my father when he was younger. It’s also pathetic how random are the things that I do remember about my father. When I read some pages of the diary I swallowed back my tears and longed for my old home when both father and mother were healthy. I realize there was so much love and there is so much I am grateful for.

SPeng

Together again in eternity

Father passed away very peacefully on 25 January 2013 at the age of 101. I suppose I should feel happy that Mother and father are together once more in eternity.

 

SPeng