Remembering Father on Father's Day

The Book that father published "Love in Malaya"

We had never celebrated Father's Day. He was a quiet, reserved man of few words.  He took care of us by providing for the family and together with our Mother had struggled to make ends meet during our younger days. I think he can be proud of his achievements.


Father, Mother and the 5 of us in 1953 in Sabak Bernam



Father with 4 of his granddaughters on his 100th birthday on 24July 2011

 

Filiel piety

想起了所有從來沒做過的事

終於有一天，她去世了... 

突然你想起了所有從來沒做過的事， 

它們像榔頭般痛擊著你的心！

這世間不會再有誰會管著你了

這世間不會再有誰會每時每刻地管著你了,管你工作怎麼樣了;管你瘦了還是胖了;管你的身體怎麼樣了;管你吃得好不好;管你睡得好不好……管人是很累的， 誰會願意這樣的去勞累呢， 那還不是父母嗎?

Thinking of mother

 

人的一生你只欠兩個人！

 記住：人的一生你只欠兩個人！

 

 

 

人的一生只欠兩個人的：其一是母親，其二就是父親。「身體髮膚，受之父母」，一個人依託父母來到這個世...

by 佛緣心語

To my Father on Father's Day

Missing my Mother

QingMing 2016

Father, Mother and maternal grandfather's final resting place in Fairy Park, Klang 

QingMing which literally translates as ‘clean and bright’, is the day that Chinese people clean the graves of their ancestors as well as make offerings of food, heaven money, clothing, paper gold nuggets, etc for the ancestors to use in the afterlife, a manifestation of filial piety .

Qing Ming Day falls on the 3rd day of the 3th month in Chinese Lunar calendar or to be exact on the 104th day after the winter solstice and this is usually in the first week of the month of April of the Gregorian Calendar.

As a Muslim convert, I do not participate in the ceremonies but I join my brothers and sisters to visit the grave sites. Mother had left us 18 years ago and Father 3.  I still miss them dearly, especially Mother with whom I was particularly close to.  I  know there are many things I could have done better and many things I should not have done which may have hurt you when you were alive.  I cannot turn the clock back but I can only hope that you will forgive me for all my wrong doings. 

I still cry today

Grief is a Walk Alone

 

 

 

My inheritance

My mother did not leave me any money. But I had inherited so much from her, as many things I do had actually been passed down by her.   

One of my mother's many dishes that I cook quite often,
Fish Tomato Soup



Mother had a collection of plants which I took under my wings
after Father passed away . Some of these are the bougainvileas
which are fortunately thriving under my care.  My
love for gardening too has actually been inherited from Mother

Dreams about them

2 weeks ago for 5 nights in a row I had dreams  about my deceased Father and Mother.  I can't remember about the contents of the dream, except for 2.  In one dream father and mother were walking on the road going towards our old house. They had done a lot of shopping.  I stopped my car to give them a lift, but they refused. They said "you don't really care about us".  In the other dream Father was pleading with me that he wanted to go home. Mother was quiet.

Each time when I woke up from the dreams I felt very exhausted.  I shared my dreams with my sister. She said I am so lucky to be able to dream of Father and Mother because they had never appeared in her dreams. I complained to her about the exhaustion I felt upon waking up from the dreams. Since then, the dreams had stopped.      

Missing my Mother

Today is Mother's Day. Do I still think of my Mother after 17 years of her passing on 9 August 1998?Definately so.  She is my Mother, the only person in this world who had loved me no matter what.

“A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials heavy and sudden fall upon us; when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends desert us; when trouble thickens around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavor by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts.” 
― Washington Irving

Living without Mother

Even though it has been 17years, I still feel the loss, especially on days when I feel down or saddened by events.

ChengBeng 2015

The ChengBeng is here again. Accompanied Sister and brother T.Kam who came back from the Philippines to pray at father and mother's resting place.



On the left is Father and Mother's grave stone.   On the right
is a plaque Sister bought to put our maternal grandpa's soul to rest at a proper place

Mother a very good cook

This is the time of the year again...one and a half weeks more to the Chinese New Year.  When I was young, at this time of the year, Sister and I would be very busy helping Mother prepare CNY cookies /sweets.  Mother made them all from scratch...she never bought them ready made, and I remember these cookies she made tasted so much nicer than the ones now which we can purchase.
 I remember these are the 5 cookies / sweets that Mother was sure to make.

 

Kueh Bangkit...I have never, until now, tasted kueh bangkit better than my Mother's

Kueh KaPek



Mother, Sister and I would spend hours at the charcoal stove making the Kueh Kapek.  The
result were very yummy and crispy Kueh Kapek that we can never get anywhere else 

Coconut candy

 

Sun-dried agar agar

Mother's home-made Kueh Bahlu was the best! 

Remembering Father

Father passed away on 25 January 2013, exactly 2 years ago, in the morning after his usual breakfast.  After breakfast he went to the washroom to rinse his mouth, went back to his room and sat down on the easy chair next to the toilet.  He face looked pale and he passed away within minutes.  I did not witness his passing but the Indonesian maid who was looking after him did.  She phoned me and my sister frantically.  By the time I arrived he was already gone.  Sister arrived before me but she also did not manage to see him for the last time.  

Rest in peace father.  You truly deserve your rest after toiling for us for so many years and living till a ripe old age of 101.  I know there are many things I could have done better and many things I should not have done which may have hurt you.  I cannot turn the clock back but I can only hope that you will forgive me for all my wrong doings. 

 

 

Please forgive me

Found this Hainanese song by chance. Now I would like to dedicate it to my late parents.

Thinking of Mother

“Mothers hold their children’s hands for a short while, but their hearts forever.” – Author Unknown

Filial piety

A memory no one can steal

“Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal.
From an Irish headstone”
― Richard Puz, The Carolinian

有妈妈的朋友，不管你有多忙，一定要抽出时间回家看看妈妈

妈在，兄弟姐妹是一家；妈不在，兄弟姐妹是亲戚！ 字字感人肺腑！
妈妈在，家就在。
但凡有妈妈的孩子，大都有一个可以回味，值得追忆的幸福的童年。
童年的幸福，来自于妈妈的笑脸，来自于妈妈在家中的守望，家中没有了妈妈，你便不会再笑。
小时侯，就像一个野孩子，整天在外面玩，只有饿了、累了的时候，才知道，回家。
回家的第一件事情，就是找妈，进家的第一句话，就是喊“妈－”。
看到了妈妈忙碌的身影，听到了妈妈的应答，心便安定下来。
于是，开始找吃的。吃饱了，喝足了，便再跑出去玩。
大了，踏进家门的第一件事情，依然是找妈妈。
来不及放下肩上的书包，就满屋寻找妈。
妈妈看见了，笑着说“傻孩子，背着个包，也不嫌累”。
也许妈妈不知道，也许妈妈知道，找妈妈的时候，根本就不知道累。
有了自己的小家，空闲地时候，就想“去哪里好呢？”于是便回了家。
这个家是我永远的也走不出的守候。
推开家门，妈妈不在，爸爸迎上来，便和爸爸唠家常。
然而眼睛却时时盯着门口，盼望着妈妈回来。妈妈推门回来了，心里顿时踏实了。
就这样，无论何时何地，何种身份，总是惦记着回家看看，回家了仍然先喊妈。
回家找妈，是人们多年来不自觉养成的习惯，也许，生活中只要是有妈妈的人，都和我一样。
这便是生活的幸福。
家和妈妈就是这样，深深地镌刻在了每一个人的心底。
随着年轮的递增，人们会越来越感觉到，纵是岁月改变了容貌，纵是沧海变作了桑田，枯守着不变的依然是那份对家的眷恋和对母亲的深深地眷恋。
有妈妈在，你就可以放心的天马行空独闯天下了，你可以安安心心地规划你的理想，路的前方还有路，你不可能一口气到达终点， 累的时候，永远有一个宁静的港湾，那便是家，妈妈在那里为你守候。
高处不胜寒， 特别是当你事业有成或是成了顶天立地的人物，可以叱咤风云的时，内心的你会迫不及待地寻找心灵的依托，而那最安全、最永久、最可靠的心灵依托，依然是妈妈，是家。
有人说，一个成功的男人背后，必定站着伟大的女性。
如果真是这样，那女性中，首先是妈妈。
美国世贸大厦倾倒的那一刻，一个拥有亿万资产的商人，当他意识到自己的末日，他想到的不是他身后的财产，他用手机发出的信号是传递了一个世界上最美的语言“妈妈，我爱你！”。
母与子的情爱，在最危急的时刻，暗淡了硝烟，迸发出夺目的光彩。
人性的伟大就在那一刻定格了。
家，永远都不会远离你！即使是相隔千山万水，即使是远渡重洋（这一定是指你自己），然而，妈妈的身影，总是在你行程中，妈妈的牵挂，就是你穿越时空回家的理由。
人类最最不能动摇的情感，也许就是那深深的母爱。
人们心底最深的牵挂，真真就是那生你养你的家。
妈妈在，家就在！ 是啊！妈在，兄弟姐妹是一家，妈不在，兄弟姐妹是亲戚！实话啊！
有妈妈的朋友，不管你有多忙，一定要抽出时间回家看看妈妈...........妈妈我永远爱您。
亲们：父母看一眼少一眼，树欲静而风不止，子欲孝而亲不在。珍惜，感恩

Thinking of them

Father passed away on 25 January 2013 at the age of 101.  Mother went back to her Maker 15 years earlier on 9 August 1998 at the age of 85.  I cannot help not thinking of them, every now and then, particularly on days when I feel under the weather.   Sometimes I close my eyes and think of my teenage days when both of them were young and when we as children had not a care in the world.   Over all, we had  a good time as a family, and all 5 of us were well cared for and given good education, although at times like all families,  there were hardships and sometimes unhappiness.  Thank you father and mother for taking care of us and going through all the thick and thin as a family. 

One of the bougainvillea plants I took from father's house (after his death),
and nursed back to health.  Considering that no new plants had been added
to the garden in father's house since mother passed away, then this plant
must be at least 16 years or most likely older

She took care of us the best she could

Today's WhatsApp message between my Brother who lives in Melbourne and my Sister who lives in Malaysia:

Brother's message to Sister:  "Wan Lan - do you remember how to cook Ah Poh's roasted pig skin with pineapple soup? 

                                     
Sister's reply to Brother:  THou, it is not a soup. It is a fried dish with some gravy. You fry some garlic, put in the pineapple pieces and fry. Add a bit of water and let it simmer for a while. When pineapple is soft put in the soaked skin pieces.  Add salt, tomato sauce and cut red chillies and let it simmer.until the skin is soft enough."  (Later this version of the recipe was disputed by  Brother.  In the end he cooked his own version of how he thought Mother cooked and he said it turned out almost similar).

After so many years our taste buds still yearn for Mother's cooking.  Even though we did not have a lot she took care of the family the best she could.

Brother sent this picture of his final product

Her absolute devotion

Several days ago when my youngest brother who is a doctor told me that the juice of papaya tree leaves could be an alternative medicine for cancer treatment, it reminded about the many times I followed my Mother when I was a little girl to collect a herb which grows at the fringes of secondary forests.

This herb was supposed to be able to cure diabetes. She would painstakingly collect the herbs in enough quantities, wash them very carefully and boil the herbs with meat over slow charcoal fire.  I would sometimes help Mother to stir the mixture.  The end result was a soft green paste which she gave to Father.  My Father was then a diabetic.  At that time in the 1950s we were staying a a small outback town (Parit Buntar) and Father had to travel to the  state capital once a week to get his insulin injection. Miraculously he was cured and as far as I know, Father had not suffered from diabetes from then on.

This story is not so much about the herbal cure for diabetes.  Being only a little girl then I do not even remember what the herb looked like.

This story is about Mother's devotion and sacrifice. Every time before she fed the herbal mixture to Father, she would first take about half a bowl and wait for about an hour or 2.  I asked her whether she had diabetes too.  What she said to me I could not forget for the rest of my life.  She told me she was just eating it first to make sure the herb is not poisonous because she could not be very certain that she had picked the right herb.  What if you die, I asked her.  She said "between Father and Mother, it is better Mother die because Father can earn money to bring you up whereas Mother cannot".  

   
   

   

Mother

Nothing can bring back the hour

Though nothing can bring back the hour,
 Of splendor in the grass, of glory in the flower

We will grieve not, rather find, 
Strength in what remains behind;”                          
-William Wordsworth

Mother's love

Nothing is ever lost to us

Today is a quiet Saturday for me.  On days like this I think of them a lot.  While we cannot go back in time, our memories can.  

 “Nothing is ever really lost to us as long as we remember it.”
― L.M. Montgomery, The Story Girl

Mother's favourite fruit

Today I had avocado and apple salad for dinner.  I remember avocado used to be Mother's favourite fruit and sis would buy for her.  At that time I did not like avocado, strangely, now I do.

 

世上只有媽媽好

        世上只有媽媽好
　　有媽的孩子像個寶
　　投進了媽媽的懷抱
　　幸福享不了
　　世上只有媽媽好
　　有媽的孩子像個寶
　　投進了媽媽的懷抱
　　幸福享不了
　　沒有媽媽最苦惱
　　沒媽的孩子像根草
　　離開媽媽的懷抱
　　幸福哪找
　　沒有媽媽最苦惱
　　沒媽的孩子像根草
　　離開媽媽的懷抱
　　幸福哪找

世上只有媽媽好

Today is the funeral for my neighbour's Mother.  There was a band which played mostly sad songs.  One of the songs was in praise of mothers.  The song is Chinese, entitled, 

"世上只有媽媽好".

The first 2 lines of the song goes like this, "世上只有媽媽好,有媽的孩子像个宝",meaning "the only person who is good to you in this world is mother, a child who has a mother is like a treasure".   The song was played many times and each time my tears naturally flowed.

We were all treated and taken care of by our Mother like treasures,  something we had never fully appreciated.  Sometimes I got annoyed with her for her "nagging" and scolding, when she only wanted the best for us all. This year on August 9 Mother would have left us 16 years, but in my heart she stays forever.   Mother, I know " 世上只有媽媽好".

Both sis and I are not as pretty as mother

Remembering our parents

5 April was "All Souls Day" in Chinese culture, called "Qingming", when Chinese people visit the graves or burial grounds of their ancestors.  Traditionally, the family will burn paper replicas of material things such as clothes, cars, houses, phones and paper servants, as well as spirit money for the departed.



This year, Brother Tai Kam came back from his work place in Manila and joined sister and brother-in-law to perform the Qingming rituals at our parent's burial place.

Sis paying her respects at the main temple

The big crowd outside the temple

Brother TaiKam praying at the resting place of our maternal grandpa

Our beautiful mother and our father, who were buried side-by side

Brother praying at our parents' tomb

Sis, Brother and brother-in-law sprucing up our parents' resting place

Offerings of food to our parents at the shrine

Brother offering prays for our parents

Mother passed away on 9 August 1998, nearly 16 years ago.  That was the worst day in my life. My heart ached for a long time for her, even now whenever I think of her.  Father passed away on 25 January 2013, at the age of 101.  If God grant me one wish, I would wish for time to revert to the 1960s or 1970s when both Father and Mother were healthy and strong.