Best friend

Mother (L) with her best friend Mrs. Tan while we were staying in Sabak Bernam in the early 1950s.  I remember ,almost on a daily basis, after cooking dinner, Mother would bring us to walk across the football field to play with Mrs. Tan's children.  If she did not then Mrs Tan would walk over to our house with several of her kids in tow.  On weekneds we normally had tea in Mrs. Tan's house. 

Thou art thy mother's glass, and she in thee
Calls back the lovely April of her prime.

~William Shakespeare

母苦儿未见

母苦儿未见，儿劳母不安

The children often  do not care much about the mother's hardship, but the mother always cares for every bit of their pains.

I found this Chinese proverb which is so very appropriate when I think of my Mother.  I had been guilty I hope my Mother will forgive me. 

More than words could ever say

You have always been there for me through thick and thin,
No matter what I've done, unconditionally you love never wavering.
I miss you more than these words could ever say.

A daughter's tears

Today is mother's death anniversary.  Although she was 85 when she passed away in 1998, I was not ready to let her go.

Now 13 years after she died, on reflection on Mother's life I realized that I had learned very good lessons from some of the things that my mother found hardest to deal with in her life.  One of these was, “What do I need to do for myself to be happy?”

Rest in peace my dear Mother and please know that all your children and now your grandchildren are happy adults who are all able to cope with life's challenges in their own special ways. 

One person who I wish was present

Lat night we celebrated Father's 100 birthday. But to me one person who I wish most was present was my Mother. Although she had lived to an above average old age of 85, I still secretly wish she is still around. If Father is 100 this year then Mother would have been 99. I wish she had lived to see this. I wish she had lived to see her greatgrandchildren prancing around at the birthday party.

Only one mother the wide world over

My children did nothing to celebrate Mother's Day with me on 8 May this year, not even a small gift.  I suppose as a Mother I should not expect any thanks, even though I think I have done my utmost as a mother who brought them up singlehandedly.   But somehow I felt quite disappointed.  What a huge responsibility it was. Thinking back I wonder how I had survived through it all...looking after their needs and carrying on a heavy career at the same time to bring food to the table and to pay for their education.   Maybe that was how my own Mother felt during all the times that I had neglected her.  I wish my Mother is alive for me to make up to her.

Hundreds of dewdrops to greet the dawn,
Hundreds of bees in the purple clover,
Hundreds of butterflies on the lawn,
But only one mother the wide world over"

-Author Unknown

Remembering Mother on QingMing

Brother Tai Kam came back from abroad to offer prayers to Mother at Mother's resting place in Fairy Park, Meru, Klang, together with Sister Wan Lan. Several days before, sis Wan Lan also performed prayers for the departed ancestors in Father's house in PJ.

During the trip to Meru, we took the opportunity of telling Tai Kam about my dream (previous post). Tai Kam told us he also had been having dreams about Mother in the past several weeks. In his dreams Mother looks happy and healthy. Tai Kam indicated that from now on whereever he may be, he will perform prayers for Mother every QingMing and Chinese New Year and will also burn offerings of spirit money and clothings.  He said that if in Melbourne, he could perform the prayers and do offerings at the Buddhist temple there.

My dream last night

I dreamt of Mother very clearly last night. She was looking frail and unhappy and shabily dressed.  She was standing behind her cousin sister-in-law, See Chin's Mother, who was looking healthy and in good spirits. I got the message that she was "depending" on See Chin's Mother charity in the spiritual world.  In the dream I dashed forward to hold her and that's when I woke up. Why such a dream?

Keeping up Mother's traditions

Every Chinese new Year since Mother passed away I had diligently cooked Mother's CNY dishes to maintain her tradition. There is always stuffed fish maw, staffed shitake mushroom, stewed sea cucumber, poached chicken with chicken rice, among others. Even if nobody appreciates my efforts, I take comfort that I am doing this in memory of Mother.

Mother and her grandchildren

 Several days ago my niece LeeAnn, now 28 and residing in Toronto,
sent me these precious pictures of my mother with her (Lee Ann) and her brother Shane.  These pictures were taken more than 20 years, probably in Perth.

I remeber Mother used to travel to Perth and Melbourne quite often to see her 2 sons who have migrated there and her grandchildren.  She has 5 grandchildren in Australia.  Knowing her, she must have missed them alot then.